Moaning and Groaning!

Well, what we thought was a pulled muscle in Dave's back just might be a broken rib. He went to the doctor yesterday because it was getting a lot worse. He has had broken ribs in the past, and this feels just like one. However, how he would have gotten it is a complete puzzle. He did not fall. He does not remember being hit with anything.

Normally, they don't bother to confirm a broken rib because there really isn't anything they can do about it. They treat it just like a pulled muscle. In this case, however, because there is no clear event to cause it, the doctor wants him to go down this morning and get an x-ray to confirm it. The doctor cannot think of any reason for this to happen. It concerns me that he might have a broken rib with no obvious way of it getting there.

So for those of you who pray...prayers are appreciated. I am placing Dave into Yahweh's hands...the best hands to place him. Of course, that is not the only thing I need to place in His hands. Clearly, not only does this interfere with work, but also with his ability to get anything done here. The creek crossing is being worked on, so we cannot drive our van across it. There is much to do around here that only Dave can do. So, that just means that Yahweh will have to provide in a greater way.

I know that He will not ignore us. He loves us and wants us to have what we need. Sometimes, though, it gets difficult to discern what we need versus what we want. Do we need a big room off to the side so that we can separate our sleeping quarters from our living quarters? It would sure make a HUGE difference in what I am able to do and how I am able to do it. Yet, here we are...without it. We have survived it. So, technically...do we really NEED it?

I feel very stretched by our living situation. We all do, actually. When we moved the RV here I had this picture in my mind of open space, everything in the box, building a workshop with a small apartment at one end and everything becoming accessible. What I ended up with was radically different from that. I have worked very hard to adjust to what is, but there are times when it does feel like it is starting to get the best of me.

The weather has really wreaked a lot of havoc on us. We have never seen it rain so much...and usually on the weekends when Dave was off work. On the weekends when he worked it was typically nice and dry. I have actually seen him plan on taking days off when the weather was supposed to be clear and then have it rain for most of those days. It sometimes feels as if we are intentionally being thwarted. Our faith is definitely being tested. There is no doubt in that. In spite of all we have not been able to finish, or in some cases even start, Yahweh has gotten us through it. We have made it through three winters in our RV now.

Our experiences have taught us a lot. In fact, it was Dave's having to keep repairing the creek crossing every time it rained hard or long (which seemed to be almost all the time) that made him decide that he needed to work on that first. Every time he had to work on that crossing, it took time away from the other things he could have been working on. Plus, if we ever do have to sell the land, the creek crossing will make it more valuable. Although, with the price of gas, the property values around here are not likely to go up. We are too far away from everything.

It sure would be nice to have access to a Terramite, or some other small earth mover. We could get weeks worth of work done in a day or two. But they are expensive to rent...not in our budget at this point. Although it takes a lot longer when you have to do things by hand, on the upside...it helps to get one's body in shape!

We have had to alter our plans many times, but nothing seems to work out the way we hope. So, maybe our plans are not Yahweh's plans? It would seem so. Maybe we are just not supposed to get a room built? Maybe we are not supposed to get the laundry room finished so that I can get some clothes and things out of the box? I really miss my dresses and jumpers. Maybe I am not supposed to have access to the curriculum that I know I have but cannot find? Perhap, we are not supposed to have the privacy for communication and adult things that I so miss because our son is always around, especially in the winter and at night all year long? I so miss Dave and I being able to talk after we get into bed.

At this point, I am even becoming more open to renting some place closer to Dave's work, but seeing as how we do not have the income level to afford that, it really is a moot openness. Besides, if we rented something somewhere else, how would we get anything done here? We would be too far away. No, it seems like our only option at this point is to just stay here.

I have many questions for which I have no answers. But this I know. I am Yahweh's. He does not promise a life of ease and luxury, despite what some false teachers would have us believe. That is NOT what Yahweh says in His word. Maybe they use a different bible? My bible says that we will have trials and tribulations. It says the rain falls on the good and the bad and the sun shines on the good and bad. It also says to count it as joy when we encounter these difficult things for God is doing good things through it.

So, that is my choice. As best as I am able, until my final breath on this planet, I will praise Yahweh. I will do my best to rejoice in these trials, knowing that He is doing something with them that is causing me to grow. Even when I feel overwhelmed and unsure of how I will take my next step, I will praise Him and I will love Him. What can this life be compared to an eternity in darkness? This life is short...although it seems long.

From our little RV on the Hillside...I hope that you are able to see Yahweh's provisions in your life today.

Laundry & Thoughts of Life

Today and tonight it is supposed to be above freezing, which is a good thing as I need to do laundry today. Right now, the thermometer reads just at 32 degrees.

My son has already hooked up the water hose to the washer on one end. The other end he could not get hooked up because the quick disconnect was frozen. Soon, I will be going outside to try and warm it up and get it hooked up so that I can do laundry.

I was up early today, praying and contemplating some questions about life. I want to be content in my situation...in wherever Yahweh wants me to be and with whatever He wants to provide. He knows what I need, yet, He says to make my needs known to Him. This is something I struggle with. I am not sure what to ask for. Should I really be asking for anything beyond food, shelter, clothing?

What about a room on the side of our RV so that we have more privacy? Isn't that a good thing to ask for? Yet, we don't have one and have not been able to build one. So, am I selfish for wanting that? Am I being discontented with what God is providing for us? Is He just saying to be more creative in finding ways to make privacy with what He has provided? Is it wrong to ask for a room...or even a real house of some kind, no matter how small?

Well...I don't really believe it is wrong to ask for anything. He is my Abba, after all. He will just say "no" if I ask for the wrong things. I guess my real question is...am I being selfish for wanting more? Am I being selfish for wanting a second vehicle so that my son and I are not stuck on the land unable to really go anywhere? Or is God saying that I need to look for other things to do with my son? I wish I knew.

Some may be uncomfortable with my expressing my questions here...but they, too, are a part of our life. Why are we here where we are? How can we best serve Yahweh in this place? How can we best be His sons and daughter? How can we best show His love to a darkened world? This is just a temporary home...life on this planet. This is not my true destination. Honestly, if this life were all there is to live for...I do not believe life would be worth living. I want more than this life can offer. I want the Creator...the Giver of this life. Being in relationship with Him and serving Him is what makes this life, with all of its difficulties, worth living.

I guess, to some degree, that sounds a bit pessimistic. And for those who know me as being the optimist in the family it might sound a bit strange. But my optimism is not in life...it is in the Giver of life. It is because I trust Him that I can be optimistic. I have seen Him move in incredible ways and do miraculous things in my life. I know that He is trustworthy. It is my human perceptions that are NOT trustworthy. That is why I have to ask HIM about life...about what HE wants me to ask for. Only He sees the big picture. Only He really knows what I need. I know what I want, but it is sometimes difficult to separate my wants from my needs. OK...so maybe it is OFTEN difficult to separate them. *smile* So, I will continue working on learning contentedness in our situation and trusting Him to provide what we really need.

I am learning still, and again, to trust Him more and more. I know that He is more than able to answer the questions of my heart. He has brought me through so much in this life. He will not leave me hanging. Of that I can depend. He says that He will never leave me or forsake me.